by Caveman Groog

Groog know Beowulf not modern to most peoples, but to Caveman, anything not painted on stone has ink still wet, so Me ease into things. Me work up to Modern fantasy like A Midsummer Nights Dream. Groog also know Beowulf not book, but long poem, so CUT GROOG SLACK. Here me go.

Grendel and his mother find themselves openly marked for exile because of their relation to Cain. Monstrous form, size, and intentions set them apart and ensure they are despised by Hrothgar's community, but could Beowulf be similarly outcast in subtler ways by the people he lives with (and eventually rules over) because of his heroic qualities? Is Beowulf a beloved monster among men? Groog would argue that Beowulf is isolated by his surprising abilities and pride in his own power, and that his isolation serves as destructive force that acts upon both Beowulf and the society that surrounds him.

Me just kidding, this boring. Me really think that Beowulf nothing but a story about throwback to original human model, the Caveman. In fact, because it possible that Beowulf enjoy years of circulation in oral tradition before somebody think to write it down, it could be surviving remnant of modern man's memory of Caveman ancestors.

Me notice that when big scary Grendel monster break into King Hrothgar's wooden cave, Beowulf choose not to use silly sword club. Him not even use honest club type club. Him real man, first thing him do is rip monster's arm out of socket. This exactly what Groog do when faced with similar dilemma, but Groog usually prefer to chase monster down afterward and deliver Coup de grace with bulbous severed limb. Monster arm make great club in pinch.

Me not like that Beowulf kill Grendel's mother. What she do? She protect her son. What mother not do that? So, for retribution Beowulf chase her down, steal her sword club, and kill her dead. This where Beowulf diverge from standard Caveman archetype. Most unattached Cavemen just find monster lady, grab her by hair, and drag her home to raise Cavebabies and cook Brontosaurus steaks. Instead, Beowulf start to show touchy feely modern sensibilities by giving nod to feminism and treating Grendel's mother as Equal. Coincidentally, this also where Groog start to lose interest in story.

Fortunately, Beowulf story manage to redeem itself. By end, Beowulf fight a dinosaur. Sure, they call it dragon, it breathe fire, and it fly, but this just poetic license. This something story tellers do to evoke feelings in reader when the truth not grand enough in print. If writer say, “Beowulf fight big dinosaur. It bite him in head and he die,” then reader say, “Oh, that happen to cousin Larry,” and reader not feel true tension of situation. But if writer say, “Big FLYING lizard breathed FIRE and bite with POISON TEETH and Beowulf DIE,” then reader say, “Holy crap, bet cousin Larry thank God him not Beowulf. That suck.” This technique allow writer to convey true feeling of experience despite it being filtered through written word, so even though Groog know that no real dinosaur do those things, me have fun anyway.

Beowulf start off strong, loose Groog in middle, but pick up at end when Beowulf show true Caveman instinct and have fantastic dinosaur fight to save Cavepeople. Groog say you should read. This story get six clubs out of ten.